I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
