I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
