so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
