They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
