ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
