Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
