We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
