Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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