This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
