Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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