i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
