How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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