the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
