I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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