My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
