Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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