one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
