I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize