after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
