Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
