I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
