I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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