Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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