I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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