Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
