I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
