What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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