I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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