Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
