I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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