i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
