He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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