WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
