But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
