is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
