I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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