The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
