one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if only i could text you this smell
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My pussy is not your playground.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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