I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
