She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
