just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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