Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
