exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I could make wine with my vomit
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
