what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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