Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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