So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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