talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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