oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
