I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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