i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
