I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
