i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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