I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
