i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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