I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
