it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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