i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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