I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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