I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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