the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
