i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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