I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
