If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
