Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
