great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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