I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
