my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
