Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
