Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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