She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
