Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
