Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
