A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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