It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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